🔗 Share this article

This period marks a ten-year milestone since the phrase “ghosting” entered the mainstream. At the time, the notion that someone could suddenly stop communication with a lover without a word seemed like the height of rudeness. Our innocence was charming. In the decade since, finding a mate has only become more perplexing – an commonly pointless pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by online lingo.

Gen Z, a cohort who came of age during a social isolation crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a concerted assault on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their Gen Y predecessors could ever fathom. And so their romantic lexicon has grown longer and more unhinged, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” straining the limits of your sanity.

What follows is a detailed glossary to the phrases gen Z is using to navigate love, intimacy and the search of both. To echo one of the recent most enduring online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

---

The Letter A

Authenticity – In the view of Zoomers, romance's gold standard is presenting as your real, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your date's reply is inquisitive or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Zoomers' answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while exuding enigma and independence. (She might still have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Support test – This refers to choosing someone who aids you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to take a load off.

Errand romance – A outing where two people form a link while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do budget-friendly romance in a post-cheap-date world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional excess, it refers to couples who opt out of having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of acting aloof: utilizing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Behavioral traits suggesting a prospective partner is bad news. Examples include calling their exes crazy, subpar gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits affirm your decision to pursue a partner. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, largely benign idiosyncrasies. Such as being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same stuff or people that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than having a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group your gen Z boyfriend is into.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of disappearing.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The rare partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Random and usually everyday dealbreakers that instantly extinguish any sense of desire.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an incredibly thoughtful gesture.

The Letter J

Professions – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in professions they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the era of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {